Dealing with the child who does not admit his mistakes
Sometimes parents misbehave and cause the child to deny and lie. Psychologists believe that if your child does not confess to what he did and lies, you should not force him to confess in the wrong way.
You may have encountered the situation where your child did something wrong and then because no one witnessed it, shied away from accepting responsibility for what he had done and even lied that he had not done it. Many times parents are sure that their child is to blame for the wrong thing or the perpetrator, but when they are confronted with lying and denial, they wonder what is appropriate in this situation.
Should a child be punished for both lying and ugly deeds? Is it better to force the child to confess so that lying does not become a habit for him? How can this be achieved?
It is the duty of every parent to educate the child, not to punish him
We share our questions with a child and adolescent psychologist, and he explains: Let me first point out that it is the duty of every parent to educate a child, not to punish him or her. Punishment and encouragement tools should be used to educate the child, not to retaliate against the child’s bad work and lies. So in the first place, you should try to make the child notice your lying and explain to him that ugly lying doubles his work.
“If your child does not confess to what he or she did and lies, you should not force him or her to confess in the wrong way,” says the child and adolescent psychologist. For example, some parents, in order to make sure that their child does something wrong, gain his trust and make him feel safe, saying: “If you have done something, there is no problem … So that the child can admit his wrongdoing.
But this is the wrong way to get a child to confess. Because in most cases, the parents do not keep their promises and punish the child as soon as he confesses to his wrongdoing. This undermines the child’s trust in the parents and leads to the child’s isolation and secrecy.
On the other hand, if the parents want to remain faithful to what they have said and really know that doing the wrong thing without any problems, the repetition of that wrong action will be indifferent to the child. Because his parents have already assured him that there is nothing wrong with doing that and he just has to admit to doing it. This allows the child to calmly repeat his wrongdoing.
The psychologist points to the right way and says: Parents should be careful in choosing words when talking to the child! Instead of the previous sentence, we can say that because you did not do this mistake intentionally and you noticed the harm of what you did, you were not there, and after the child confesses to his work, you can ask him to do it again next time. Do not do this because it has these disadvantages and explains to him about the inconvenience and harm that this does to himself or those around him.
Parents should be careful in choosing words when talking to the child
The child and adolescent psychologist further explains the reason for the child’s lying and says: When the child refuses to admit his mistake and does not go under the burden that he lied and did something and then denied it because of this Is that he wants to maintain his self-esteem. In fact, the child is worried about the credit he has with his parents or those around him and does not want to be crushed in front of them. The admiration of others and their perception of the child that you are a good child …
or very intelligent and … make the child imagine a place for himself in the minds of those around him, which may collapse completely when his mistake is revealed.
The child is worried that his value will be diminished in the eyes of the parents and that is why he is lying. This is important so that we do not question the value and credibility of the child in the face of his or her mistakes or shortcomings, and do not react strongly to his or her mistakes. It’s like saying I don’t trust you anymore because you lied or I don’t love you anymore … These sentences are wrong and reinforce the child’s sense of secrecy and lies.
The psychologist finally emphasizes: Instead of these encounters, it is better to tell him that you are a very good boy or girl and we love you, but if you continue to do this wrong, he will do these harms for you and others, and we will teach him. That if you made a mistake but told the truth and confessed to the card, we will forgive you sooner than you do not say at all. In this way, the child feels more secure and calm and does not feel worthless and rejected.
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