How should we react to our children’s lawsuits?
All parents hope that their children will love and respect each other, or at least expect them to be good playmates for each other and to be friends and compatible. However, the noise and clashes between the children create a lot of tension in the house and make the parents helpless. But what can we do to make our children love each other as much as we love them? And how can you give a little peace and tranquility to the home space?
What positive steps can parents take to make peace and help their children get along? How can parents help their children build a lasting bond?
There are four key principles you can use to improve the situation:
– Find the root of the conflict.
– Understand the feelings of children.
Encourage your children to express their feelings constructively.
– Value each of your children because of their own characteristics.
To make peace between children, you must find the root of the problem
Find the root of the conflict
If you want to find the root of the conflict, the first thing you need to do is listen. Listen carefully to what they have to say; By doing this, you will gain insight into what is bothering them.
Helping parents to make peace between their children
“You always take his side and put the blame on me”! “You never take the time to help me paint.”
Always and never pay attention to keywords. Kids always talk like that, don’t they? Yes. That’s right … . Does he use these words a lot? In such situations, it is important to ask yourself if there is any truth in what the children are saying. Do you really go out of your way to support one of the children? Do you really blame one of them too much?
Sometimes it is tempting for us to assume we know what the issue is, but try to avoid that temptation. The family consists of a group of people who are closely related, and we naturally think we know what is upsetting our children.
Maybe you say to yourself: This child of mine is used to giving orders to others and that one will give up soon and …. Then you judge based on your knowledge. You may think that you know what is going on in your child’s mind or what should go on. But you may not have important information.
A girl explained:
“When I was a child, my older sister always hit me on the head and harassed me. In our family, it was customary for children to shake hands and harass each other, and I, who was the youngest, was more of a joker. No matter how upsetting the joke was, we were expected to laugh at it,
I was really upset about it and sometimes my sister was harassing me cruelly, but my family members thought I was I lust after myself and my reaction is an extreme joke. They said to me: Don’t you see that it is a joke?
When I said: Tell him to stop, they said: Do not be so sensitive, he is just joking. “I wish they would listen to me.”
At the time, the girl wanted to be given the opportunity to tell them that although these jokes might be funny to others, they were often annoying to her, and she liked to stop joking.
But because the family did not stop joking and in some way even encouraged it, it weakened the girl’s self-confidence and at the same time intensified her older sister’s shrewd bullying.
Understand Kids’ Feelings Your
children argue on a daily basis over issues such as who plays with the computer first or who gets the most fish, but what if you feel the fights are about deeper issues?
We emphasize again: It is necessary to listen to them. Tell them you understand what they mean and name their feelings. Pay attention to the following points:
– Do not express your personal opinion on the subject of the fight (do not say: I do not think it really means)
– Do not offer a personal solution (Do not say: Well, you too can leave the scene and stay away from him Show)
– Do not express your personal criticism (do not say: do not be so sensitive) Say the
name of their feelings
Listening to children and understanding their feelings is a very effective tool to solve their problems. You may be surprised when you say the name of the emotion your child is experiencing.
If the parents of the girl whose older sister was harassing her also understood and expressed her feelings, they probably would not have ignored her feelings.
For example, if they said, “You seem upset by your sister’s words,” they probably would have decided to stop harassing their older daughter themselves, because they found the behavior upsetting, not funny.
Help bring peace between children by listening to them
Bring Peace to Their Children Tip: If you want to encourage your child to express his or her feelings, pay attention; Listen to him every time he wants to talk, and don’t expect him to talk only when the time is right for you.
You may think that naming your child exacerbates it, but the opposite is true. If you tell your child that you understand how he or she feels, especially when his or her feelings are negative, such as jealousy, anger, or hatred; You are sending a message to your child that there is nothing wrong with having such feelings. He does not have to hide his feelings; Rather, he can express them in order to resolve it.
Encourage your children to behave constructively
When you listen carefully to what your children are saying, you are actually encouraging them to deal with their concerns and feelings. This helps them to understand their emotions. In this way, their emotional intelligence grows, in other words, they grow.
Tip: The first step in dealing with a concern is to reveal it.
From now on, you can help your child deal with the problem and possibly find a solution.
Verbal recognition and expression of emotions is a good thing and helps reduce the tension caused by them. You can not change your child’s feelings, but make it clear that he can not use any way he wants to express his feelings.
For example, it is okay for your child to get angry at his younger sister who has torn her homework, but she is not allowed to beat him.
It is good to be assertive, not aggressive
. Teach your children skills to use in their fights with their lions, and set an example of the same skills in how you treat your children. Children can learn how to defend their rights and express their anger without being beaten or insulted.
Teach your children to express their grief in a strong and effective tone instead of cursing others. For example, teach them that when they are upset about each other’s milk, instead of saying, “How lazy you are, grandma, you just wet your bed every night,” say, “Whenever things don’t go your way, you go and You cry in front of mom, I do not like this.
Tip: You will not want to be a role model for your children, either when resolving conflicts or when other problems arise.
Find a solution instead of getting involved
When you want to teach your children to behave constructively, it is very important to emphasize that both parties to the conflict must control themselves and show self-sacrifice.
The one who is angry should control his anger and behave calmly, and the one who made a mistake should show constructive behavior and take responsibility for solving the problem he has created. You will probably have to work hard to convince both parties to accept their responsibility.
If the children’s problem is repetitive, after the fight subsides, pull them aside and ask them to find a permanent solution to the problem.
In order to put their thoughts together and work together to find a solution, it is usually enough to threaten them that if they do not do so, they will be deprived of what they like or fined for doing something. Praise them if they cooperated and found a solution to their problem.
If there are major problems that are bothering you and disrupting the whole family, having a family reunion to discuss problems may help. Most families believe that following these principles will help them to have family meetings.
– First agree on a set of rules: do not insult each other, do not shout at each other, and do not jump into words.
Express the problem in a way that everyone agrees on.
Write down the solutions suggested by family members and do not express your personal opinion about them.
– Discuss each option.
– Discuss the implementation of the solution.
Value each of your children because of their own characteristics.
Whenever a mother or father is too proud of the characteristics of one of his children, it ignites the fire of jealousy in his other children. All children and all adults want to be loved and valued for their own sake. No one likes to feel inferior or inferior to their sibling.
It is very important to love our children because of their special characteristics; Know the value of their differences, but show our love equally.
What every child wants
Children, like adults, want us to value them for their characteristics and to know and appreciate their unique characteristics. Ask yourself: What are the characteristics of my child?
You may find his traits natural, such as humor or the ability to be friends. Practical skills such as cooking, the ability to organize, the ability to listen to and sympathize with others, or the ability to entertain people are all talents that must be developed to form part of a child’s personality. It presents an image that reflects its unique features. When each child feels valued for his or her unique traits, he or she does not need to be jealous or jealous of his or her peers’ abilities.