Proper parenting and upbringing of child’s
When you decide to have a child, you are in fact taking on the heavy and long-term responsibility of raising him. Training means educating and nurturing. When you raise your children, you teach them how to behave.
Familiarity with the correct educational tips is a prerequisite for principled education in children, and lack of awareness is the first and most important educational blow that parents commit; Experts and counselors believe: Awareness of the right time to provide educational tips to the child, the balance between encouragement and punishment, appropriate treatment of children’s mischief and in general familiarity with the secrets and codes of education are some of the things that all parents should be aware of to be able to Have the right parenting and raise effective and successful people.
The important role of parents in raising a child
Unfortunately, the lack of awareness of families about these points and educational strategies causes the child not to be familiar with the correct upbringing from the beginning and to be institutionalized in him over time, and when he reaches adulthood, he is exposed to many social harms To injure; Therefore, raising a child is more important than it seems and it is necessary for parents not to be indifferent to it.
At what age should a child be raised?
Dr. Mirakhorli, an educational psychologist, said in this regard: “It is natural that raising a child is not necessary until one year of age, because until this age, only the child needs to meet basic needs from parents, especially the mother, and until this age, the child understands commanding and teaching educational tips.” It does not and needs the support of the mother and upbringing is not effective for her.
Up to this age, parents are only required to meet the basic needs of the child, both mentally and physically. Gradually, the child is able to understand the words of the parents and pay attention to their commands and prohibitions. Education begins from the age of one. But this does not mean that parents can from now on make and enforce strict rules for the child.
In fact, it is only possible to stop a child from doing something when he or she engages in dangerous activities, just by saying no, because at this time he or she understands the words and eventually, when he or she reaches the age of two, is able to clean up the bad and good behavior. He started raising children more seriously. From the age of two, parents should be serious in raising their children and determine certain educational principles for the child and must observe these principles.
The role of the mother in raising the child is more or the father
In response to the question of whether the upbringing of the child is more the responsibility of the mother or both parents have an equal role in this regard, he said: Both parents are effective in this matter and play an equal role, but because the mother relationship It is more with the child than the father and the more time he spends with the child, the greater the educational impact of the mother.
The father spends less time with the child, and at this time there may be fewer issues that require the application of educational principles, but the mother, because she spends more time with the child, sees more issues that need to be addressed, and because This is more the mother-child relationship. Naturally, the child’s upbringing is more with the mother. This does not mean that the father has no role and should withdraw, but the advice is that even if the father is away from the child when he is present in accordance with principles Educate the mother to be diligent and comment on this.
Duality in the behavior and abuse of the child Injury caused by the educational intervention of the grandparents
He pointed out the important point that usually the involvement of grandparents in dealing with the child is one of the important educational blows in this regard, he added: It is completely different from the educational principles of this period.
There is this educational difference, and basically, the grandparents are very emotional in their treatment of the child, and in many cases, they act irrationally, which leads to the so-called loose behavior of the child.
This creates an educational dilemma, and in fact, the child will not realize how to behave properly, the principles applied by the parents or the principles presented by the grandparents.
As a result, a dilemma arises for him and the abuser is abused and usually achieves his goals. For this reason, it is better if parents have to leave the child to their parents, to acquaint them with their educational principles and ask them to observe these principles, even if they do not believe in these principles because these principles are in the best interest of raising the child. Coordination in the upbringing of a child is the most important point that should be taken care of and aware of.
Long-term effects of lack of coordination of parenting principles
“The importance of this is so great that it is said that presenting a wrong educational model, albeit the same, does less educational harm than applying the correct but inconsistent parenting principles to the child,” he said. . Because the child becomes ambivalent when he observes that some behaviors are performed by him by one parent and approved by the other parent.
The child is supposed to be taught what is wrong behavior and what is right behavior and the reason for education is this, but when their parents do not agree on right and wrong behavior, it is natural that they are not able to teach right. The child in this situation. Do you wonder if my behavior is right or not? As a result of this duality leads to stress He becomes anxious because he does not know whether he will be punished or encouraged by doing certain behaviors; this will have a bad effect on his morale, and the child will take advantage of this parental disagreement and become an abuser.
Another problem that arises is that the child will be deaf and dumb because when he sees this behavior that the father does not value the mother’s method of education and the mother does the same, other methods of education will affect him. It will not be effective and it will not have results and as a result, it will not value those around it and this problem will not end here and this child will be born in school and later in the community of a slave, careless and irresponsible person who has no belief in moral principles.
The right methods of raising children
Humiliation, insults, and restraint have a very bad effect on a child’s upbringing
Punishment and humiliation are not effective
In some cases, parents have an educational understanding with each other, but the method of education they have chosen is wrong; for example, either parent are strict and believe that punishment is an effective method of education for the child; humiliation, insult, and restriction have a very bad effect on the child’s upbringing. And it certainly won’t have the right answer.
Some parents may think that the child’s harsh behavior and punishment in some cases include this condition, but it should be noted that all parents have experienced cases of punishment and humiliation of the child. Certainly, after this punishment, they regret and these cases include It is not discussed, but this action is wrong when it is accepted by parents as educational principles and they believe that raising a child is possible only with punishment.
Things that happen out of anger and occasionally are not very worrying and it is better than the parents in this situation than the child because of angerUnintentionally apologize.
There are proper parenting methods that parents should use instead of anger and discipline and teach their children to deal with anger in times of need.
Careless parents raise orphaned children
Dr. Mirakhorli, while emphasizing that careless parents will not raise successful children like strict parents, said: “These parents leave the child negligently and because they can not tolerate the child’s stubbornness, they immediately meet his needs.” Work causes the child to become overwhelmed and thinks that he can do whatever he wants and that all his needs must be met at any cost. Since the child is not always in the family environment and enters the community, when he does not meet the demands and those around him do not respond to him, he will definitely get into trouble.
Marital disputes are the biggest blow to a child
Regarding the impact of marital disputes on the psyche of children, he said: “If the marital disputes of the couple are such that they are constantly involved and arguing so that psychologists are not able to help them, separation is the best option because the result of this disagreement in the child creates feelings of inferiority, insecurity, stress, lack of self-confidence and hard work, and parents must make the right decision in favor of the children.
It depends on the extent of the differences and the way the parents deal. In some cases, the parents disagree with each other, but they try not to let the child notice these differences, and on the other hand, some parents do not pay attention to this and constantly argue with the child.
Dr. Mirakhorli added: “Sometimes parents want to raise their children properly, but they do not have knowledge and knowledge in this regard and do not seek knowledge.” These parents disrupt the child’s upbringing by presenting educational behavior that they think is right.
However, due to the presence of people in social spaces and the provision of educational strategies, it has become very easy to obtain knowledge, and it is recommended that parents refrain from applying it to their children if they are not aware of the educational method. Specialists get help.
What is the correct training strategy?
In the end, he added about the correct way of raising children: “In the first place, raising awareness in the field of raising children is very helpful for parents to know that many behavioral characteristics in children are appropriate for their age and normal and there is no need to provide special training methods. The child is stubborn or at other ages, the child wants to be independent and constantly says no. So it is natural for them to behave and parents should not be harsh.
Once the parents are aware, they must choose the right parenting style that is based on assertiveness, that is, the parents are neither strict nor easy-going, but decisive. Choosing rules that are neither hard nor easy is the principle of decisiveness. It is determined that it is not physical and the child is told beforehand that if he breaks the law, he must be enforced.
On the other hand, the child should be given freedom and not limited too much, and this educational method is a method between strictness and ease, but in a decisive way that should be applied neither enough nor too little. In addition to all the principles of education that are determined There should be a lot of emotional relationships and we should not make the home environment like a barracks and it is even better to think with the child in setting rules to increase the sense of trust, although this is not easy, it requires practice and awareness.