The jealousy between the first and second child
The birth of a small child may disrupt the parent-child relationship and cause changes in the child’s behavior. Because when the second child is born, the authority and power of the eldest child of the family decrease, and he is forced to attract the attention of the parents and meet the needs of affiliation, compete with the new family member Kind.
had first child to the second child, but it is natural and common ways parents can feel less or more management and lack of attention to children’s behavioral changes after the birth of the second child, It can damage a child’s mental health.
Usually, the recommended time for the birth of a second child is at least 3 and at most 5 to 7 years. In fact, it is the best time to have a second child. If a second child is born below this time, it causes problems, one of which is jealousy.
A child over 3 years old is more mature.
If the distance between the birth of the second child and the first child is under 3 years old, the first child will be psychologically damaged. Due to pregnancy and the birth of the second child, the mother can not pay enough attention to her first child psychologically, emotionally, or even nutritionally and will not be able to create a suitable environment for the growth of her first child.
But if the age gap between the first and second child is more than 3 years, the first child has reached maturity and as a result, more self-knowledge. As a result, it helps the mother to give birth to her second child with fewer problems, but we must also accept that jealousy is one of the natural issues in the first child, which will inevitably arise, but the type of behavior Parents, especially mothers, can influence the reduction and reduction of this feeling.
The first child is more vulnerable. In
principle, the first child suffers more than the other children because the parents have no experience and raise the first child through trial and error, but the parents are absolutely at the disposal of the first child and in fact, the first child is the center of gravity of the family. Becomes. Now consider in such an atmosphere a competitor for the first child, the second child, is born.
The first child, who until yesterday received the most attention, now has to share the love and attention of the parents with his new sibling. He who has never had such experiences is jealous of the second child, but if this jealousy is not managed and controlled by the parents, it will cause anger in the first child.
Some parents start loving and paying too much attention to their first child in order to avoid such problems in their first child, which is wrong. Sometimes parents do not give any information to their first child about the birth of the second child and his needs and keep their child unaware, but when the birth of the second child is near and the first child realizes this, knowing this causes a psychological trauma in him. will be. In this space, parents have made two big mistakes by hiding and paying too much attention to their first child.
Give responsibility to the first child
But the right solution is to give information to the first child, that is, parents should talk to the child about this before deciding to get pregnant. In fact, it should be explained to the child that with the birth of a sibling who is on the way, the attention and love of the parents may not be as much as it is now because the brother or sister needs the attention and help of the parents.
In fact, we should inform the child about the situation that is going to happen. One of the things that can be done is to involve the child in the care of the second child. In fact, by giving responsibilities to the first child, we contribute to the birth of the second child. For example, we ask the child to arrange the room for the second child so that the feeling of jealousy is minimized. This is a communication management strategy between the first and second child.
Do not ignore the first child’s objection
Other problems arise when the difference between children is more than 5 years. For example, suppose the first child is in elementary school and the second child is in preschool. The second child may touch the first child’s belongings without permission and harass him, in which case the type of parental interaction can reduce these sensitivities and jealousy.
If the parents, in response to the first child’s protest, say things like “your brother or sister is younger than you and there is nothing wrong with doing this” or “it is a toy to your brother or sister because he is small” and … Speaking up will make their first child jealous.
Such reactions will create the impression in the first child that his parents love the younger sibling more than him, and there are two differences between the two. This kind of parental attitude makes the first child feel uncomfortable with himself.
In this situation, there will be a competition between the first and second child to attract the parents’ attention, and it may cause discussion and challenge between the children. If the second child enters the border of the first child and the first child protests, the parents should manage these spaces well and increase the interaction between the children and prevent jealousy between them.
not separate the second child from the first child Never try to separate the first child from the second child. Many parents keep the second child away from the second child, thinking that the first child may harm them, which is not true at all and will cause the first child to become jealous.
With the birth of a second child, the mother must also manage the type of relationship between the first child and the second, that is, continue to give the first child responsibilities for caring for the second child to increase the interaction between the first and second children.
When the second child reaches the age of one, it is necessary to separate from the parents’ room. In the first 6 months, the child needs to sleep with the parents, in the second 6 months, it is recommended that the child be in a separate bed but still in his parents ‘bedroom, but in the third 6 months, it is better for the child to leave the parents’ room and sleep in the first child’s room…
This will help the communication space between the first and second child. Usually, the first child may have this feeling when the second child is sleeping next to his parents, he is somehow left alone, and therefore he is left alone and therefore he feels alone and a feeling of jealousy is created in him.
Therefore, before causing such feelings in the first child, it is necessary to clarify such conditions for the first child and explain to him that in the first few months, according to the needs of the second child, it is necessary for him to sleep with the parents. This will minimize sensitivities.
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